Same Sky
Week 15
“I think it’s nice that we share the same sky.” - Sophie, Aftersun
Deep-frying chicken is a slippery slope. Chicken itself is a slippery slope for me, but let’s not get into that. Firstly, deep-frying requires a ton of oil. Secondly, you need just the right pot — deep, yet wide enough to avoid frying in batches. Thirdly, timing is everything: you have to nail that crisp, golden-brown crust, which is tricky since it’s hard to judge accurately in the oil’s yellowish tint. The margins are fine — cook too short and the chicken isn’t done, too long and the chicken and crust get too dry. It’s why I really appreciate a great fried-chicken sandwich more than most gourmet food.
This week’s movie hit a bit like a really good fried-chicken sandwich. You don’t expect much from it as nothing particularly flashy stands out, but when done well, you’re left with a deep satisfaction. I watched Aftersun, a film about grief and depression—though I didn’t know this beforehand, which probably helped. It’s (mostly) told through the eyes of Sophie (Frankie Corio), an 11-year-old girl vacationing with her 30-year-old father, Calum (Paul Mescal). Calum and Sophie’s mother are separated, possibly becoming parents earlier than expected, which the movies shows is something Calum is trying to come to terms with. He wants to be a good father to Sophie, and in many ways he is, but he struggles with his own depression and mental health issues, which he attempts to conceal from Sophie. It’s an incredibly moving film, and Paul Mescal is outstanding. I already liked Mescal in Normal People, but this was also good. However, his portrayal felt a bit too similar; once again, he’s playing a troubled man striving to do right by those he loves, even while quietly suffering himself. Though, I have to say that Mescal captures that complexity remarkably well, but I’d be curious to see him in a different kind of role. Initially, I didn’t fully grasp the movie—dreamlike sequences and flashbacks made it challenging to follow right away. But after some reflection and reading a few reviews, I realize I’ve caught more than I thought about the movie. It’s not a particularly sad movie but it does have a melancholy undertone with the themes it’s portraying. It’s definitely grown on me over the last 24 hours I’ve spent thinking about it. Frankie Corio, who is only fourteen(!), is brilliant as well and carries a lot of the weight of the movie in her expressions. She does so well in capturing an 11-year-old’s curiosity and sensitivity both to her father’s emotional shifts and her own emerging feelings. I would recommend the movie, though I don’t think it’ll appeal to most people.
My own return from my vacation was a grief-filled episode with one of my golf bag stands showing up shattered in half, rendering my “stand bag” unable to… stand. As a small side project this past week, I decided to try my hand at fixing it instead of trying to source a used bag or parts for this bag. The bag is only about six months old and barely used, but after an exceedingly insulting and disappointing exchange with Titleist Sweden’s customer service, I decided to repair it myself. With a short trip to the hardware store to grab an aluminium rod, a drill bit, a metal saw, and a bit of handiwork, I managed to get the bag standing again. Initially, I considered painting the new stand black but then decided against it. I think the two different colors gives it a bit more character, a bit of story. Everything about my return flight was stressful, mildly traumatizing, and disappointing, but this little fix has somewhat redeemed the experience.
I think these sorts of side projects, or “side quests,” are essential for maintaining a bit of balance in life. I’ve been reflecting even more on their importance these days and going through my mental list of which ones to divert my focus towards. It’s a particular type of person who consistently relies on these as practices-they always have something small (or big) going, driven simply by a need to do. Often, the outcome itself matters very little, although a “finished” project does bring a treasured sense of accomplishment or joy. I have started and discarded more side projects in my life than I can count, and I’m a strong advocate for discarding freely. I don’t believe in bookending such quests with a fixed completion time—though perhaps doing so might have helped me actually finish some of them. I like not having to feel pressured about them. Often, I think a gestation period is required, and with me, that in itself can come and go. So, I think it’s best when small victories can come in many forms. Sometimes, it’s the right project at the wrong time or the wrong project at the right time. The key is simply to keep doing something.
These side projects can also unexpectedly lead you toward a new career path or spark an interest you never realized you had. Ash, a writer on Substack, writes on how to figure out a life: “The thing is, action creates clarity. You don’t figure out your life by sitting still and thinking harder. You figure it out by moving—physically, mentally, emotionally.” I think this is very true, but there are times when we can still get stuck in the cycle of thinking. That is important as well, but that is the beauty of going on side quests. You don’t need to commit to them, so the cycle of consideration is much smaller. It’s all about reducing that friction to begin. Of course, having base privileges that allow this freedom is just as important: having enough money that you don’t need to think about the next meal or check your bank account before you buy a coffee; having enough time in the day or week; having sound health—physical and mental—that allows you to do what you do. These are things we might take for granted but are often debilitating for many. When those things are in place, however, there is no reason not to be side questing constantly.
🥘 Food
📚 Reading
- Our Man in Havana, by Graham Greene
- What To Do With Your Life
- This resonated with me in ways I cannot quite put to words
- All winter
I wanted something to change me.